Hello ? I’m so sorry, my phone stopped ringing just before I could pick up the receiver when you called me a minute ago.”
“Wot me? Hm...Don' fink so m'dear- I jus' rung me daugh’er but she weren't in...I'll give 'er a call la’er. She's prob'ly orf aht. Pickin' up ‘er kids from school 'bout now, she'd be, I s’pose. ‘Oo are you then?”
“You misunderstand me. You rang me. I dialed 1471 and the recorded message gave me your number as being the last to call. I'm merely returning that call to ascertain who phoned...”
“Weren't me, luv. 'Ow would I phone you when I dunno yer number, le'alone yer name?”
“I expect you mis-dialled...”
“Couldn' a done. I knows me gal's number off by 'art – four, seb’en, seb’en, one, one, nine. See, it's easy!”
“Ah, that explains it. Mine is four, seven, seven, one, one, eight - an easy mistake to make if one's fingers slip a little on the buttons.”
“Wot ya sayin'? I ain't got no slipp'ry fingers! They’s too damn stiff wiv arfritis to be slipp'ry no more - though they use ter tickle them pianna keys real good...arh...My Ma learned me some, an' the res' sorta come on its own. Mmm... nuffin' I enjoyed better'n playin’ for fowks ter sing-along…hm...You like singin', Missus? I reckon you sounds like a singer, wiv ‘at voice o' yorn. Yeh.. got lotsa notes wrapped in it when ya speaks...ain' I righ’?”
“As a matter of fact, you are...”
“I ‘new it! Me ears works fine, even if me fingers 'ave give up . It's drat cold wevver gets to 'em, y'know? Makes 'em sieze up somefin' cruel. Can't 'ardly 'old me mug o’tea of a mornin'...
Yeh… ‘at reminds me, it's about time I put me kettle on the gas for me a’ternoon cuppa. You won't mind me ringin' off nah, eh? I likes to keep to me rou'ine - 'elps make sense of me days, yer see... doin' the same fings at the same times... hum...well, I'll say g'bye m'dear. Nice 'avin a chat, missus..yeh...call ag'in, any time. Ta da!”
“Wot me? Hm...Don' fink so m'dear- I jus' rung me daugh’er but she weren't in...I'll give 'er a call la’er. She's prob'ly orf aht. Pickin' up ‘er kids from school 'bout now, she'd be, I s’pose. ‘Oo are you then?”
“You misunderstand me. You rang me. I dialed 1471 and the recorded message gave me your number as being the last to call. I'm merely returning that call to ascertain who phoned...”
“Weren't me, luv. 'Ow would I phone you when I dunno yer number, le'alone yer name?”
“I expect you mis-dialled...”
“Couldn' a done. I knows me gal's number off by 'art – four, seb’en, seb’en, one, one, nine. See, it's easy!”
“Ah, that explains it. Mine is four, seven, seven, one, one, eight - an easy mistake to make if one's fingers slip a little on the buttons.”
“Wot ya sayin'? I ain't got no slipp'ry fingers! They’s too damn stiff wiv arfritis to be slipp'ry no more - though they use ter tickle them pianna keys real good...arh...My Ma learned me some, an' the res' sorta come on its own. Mmm... nuffin' I enjoyed better'n playin’ for fowks ter sing-along…hm...You like singin', Missus? I reckon you sounds like a singer, wiv ‘at voice o' yorn. Yeh.. got lotsa notes wrapped in it when ya speaks...ain' I righ’?”
“As a matter of fact, you are...”
“I ‘new it! Me ears works fine, even if me fingers 'ave give up . It's drat cold wevver gets to 'em, y'know? Makes 'em sieze up somefin' cruel. Can't 'ardly 'old me mug o’tea of a mornin'...
Yeh… ‘at reminds me, it's about time I put me kettle on the gas for me a’ternoon cuppa. You won't mind me ringin' off nah, eh? I likes to keep to me rou'ine - 'elps make sense of me days, yer see... doin' the same fings at the same times... hum...well, I'll say g'bye m'dear. Nice 'avin a chat, missus..yeh...call ag'in, any time. Ta da!”
(This was a creative writing homework- 'Write a piece in two 'voices'.' Hope you manage to read it! LOL )
Tis ahi me agin daarhlin, wonna no ift yer wonna sing wiv me playin t ol joannah, ring me t say yer do.
ReplyDeleteWhat a cheeky sense of humour you have, Imac - Be careful I don't hold you to that idea. It could ruin your eardrums for life...
DeleteI lef phon offt huk in cas yer wonted t phon an I wuz engaged.
ReplyDeleteThink again sir - if you left your phone off the hook, all callers would hear the engaged tone!
DeleteI think you just keep coming back here to practise writing outlandish dialect as bad as like wot I did! Hehehe!
Penny . . There are plenty of differences in the "attitude" of the two speakers. And the respective ways they use English separates them very effectively. So I don't think you need to reproduce the vile local accent and slovenly speech. I find it becomes somewhat tedious to read. Geddit dahlin' Dunno warit's like in 'Avant, burrup ere we 'ave real dulcet tones and we take a lo'a trouble bou' owee speak, innit?
ReplyDeleteBut I had to write it so I could read it aloud in the accent I wanted! That's not quite the same thing as writing it for other people to read - I only posted it here as a bit of fun, so I fully understand you point of view, O learned Doctor. :)
ReplyDeleteDelightful dialogue. But the doctor's response reminds me of Prof Higgins... :-)
ReplyDeleteHehehe! I think you may have found his alter ego!
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